well then, I guess it's time to do another D&D adventures update so, aquatic campaign first ah, it's that time again already? :o our party consists of the Dread Pirate, the Ninja Chef, the Evil Atheist Cleric, the Gnome Ranger, the Dwarven Monk, some sort of druid (he's new), and me, the firemage. there's also Bob the Skeleton, an awakened undead wizard when last we left our heroes, they had just escaped a deathtrap and killed a monster, and we decided to make a run to town, after stealing a pair of adamantine doors from their hinges. so I teleport back into the dungeon, and we go down the next hallway, and end up at a standard fantasy balcony (no railings) over a deep pit which we can't see the bottom of but that doesn't matter, because almost everyone in the party can fly so we float down, and find that 100ft. below the balcony, there's a pool of water full of dragon eels o.o we decide to leave them alone for now so Bob and I both have Detect Magic and darkvision on, and we head to the other side of the pit to check it out we see another balcony, with bow-shaped magic floating in the air and THUNK, I take a single arrow to the chest, 42 damage O_o and as I have 47 hp total, I decide to quickly head back and get heals how the hell a single arrow makes that much damage!? so now we've got some sort of magic trap or invisible people on the other balcony, so Bob casts an antimagic field on the balcony, and we see ten Warforged Order of the Bow Initiates oh so our ninja decides to use the Wok again, and brings it down on the balcony it knocks off 8 Warforged, and begins to break the balcony so then it's my turn, and Iv'e got full health again so I turn off my boots of levitation, 100ft. above a pool full of dragon eels and then turn them back on 5 feet above it, and reach down and touch a Dragon Eel and cast Dimension Door and drop a Dragon Eel on top of the two remaining Warforged so the Warforged died, and the platform collapses, followed by me casting Maximized Firebrand on EVERYTHING in the water so we check out where the balcony was, and there's just a wall which obviously means "Secret Door", so Bob and I start blasting away with arcane fire the art of checking for secret doors has changed... it's more fun this way, and our two rogues can't fly so we make a hole in the wall, and there's a corridor beyond so our Dread Pirate is in front, checking for traps and he finds a pressure plate, and the corridor ahead slopes upward, a standard Indy Boulder trap so we decide that the Gnome Ranger has the highest move speed, as his air squid can jet backwards so we all get out of the tunnel, and the air squid touches the pressure plate and our plan was for him to touch it and get out of the tunnel, allowing the boulder to drop harmlessly into the water so he touches the plate, and right before he can jet, the ceiling of the corridor right at the entrance comes down, trapping him inside which BOTH our rogues missed so we've got an impending party member death, and we're wondering what to do about it, because like 20ft of solid stone is a lot to get through and Bob just sighs and goes "DISINTEGRATE!" so the Gnome Ranger makes it out, and the boulder rolls by so we start walking through the corridor again, with the Dread Pirate in the front and me in the back and all of a sudden I take ANOTHER 40 damage so more invisible monsters and Bob and I are the only ones able to see them, because of Detect Magic and after a few rounds of us getting messed up by invisible, teleporting monsters, the Dread Pirate realizes that we're fighting shades, and that we're going to lose As an honorable Pirate, he doesn't want to become a shade, so he borrows the correct sword from the ninja, AND COMMITS SEPPUKU! O___O so Bob grabs the Evil Athest Cleric and the Druid and Dimension Door's straight up, and I'm about to grab the Ninja and the Dwarven Monk, except the Ninja goes invisible and starts sneaking away on his own so I just grab the dwarf and perform the same trick as Bob so the people left in the dungeon are the dead Dread Pirate, the Ninja, and the Gnome Ranger the Gnome Ranger uses his Air Squid to jet backwards, then hides underwater in the dragon eel pool, now empty of dragon eels the Ninja begins taking strength damage from the Shades, and has to drop everything except the wok and the ninja robes and try to make it across a 200ft chasm so he starts along the wall, and is using pitons, when a Shade hits him again and he drops to 0 strength, which means he falls 130 ft. and his body is obliterated upon contact with the water The Wok, as an artifact, is unharmed, and the Gnome Ranger grabs it and swims out an underwater tunnel and joins the rest of us, and that's pretty much the end of the session I like how I'm in Turey's story now :D killing my party members too so we've got a dead pirate and a dead ninja the Pirate decides to come back as a GHOST PIRATE, which means his ship is magically buoyant, so we've got a boat again the ninja decides not to bring back his character, and instead uses the new character we've been planning the whole session, which is the most awesome character EVAH and that would be? at the beginning of the Session, before we really got started, James (The Ninja's player) was paging through the Arms and Equipment Guide when he came across the rules for using an ooze as a mount which you're basically riding inside of it, and using magic to not get eaten o.o hahaha, cool so we begin to flesh out the idea of a character who would ride such a mount and we come up with a Lawful Evil Paladin that wants to become a god, and hunts down anyone slower than her Gelatinous Ooze mount, which moves at 25ft and James is, and I mean this in the best way, an all-out American Otaku he's got shelves of figurines and manga and he recalled another Ooze Rider, a character named Kira Daidohji from a fighting game called Arcana Heart: http://bulk.destructoid.com/ul/82034-destructoid-review-arcana-heart/941885_20080306_screen009-550x.jpg so now he has to model the new character after her so he's got a 15 year old Japanese Lolita who is a Lawful Evil Paladin and rides an Ooze, wants to become a god, and has a weakness to Tentacle monsters all attacks by tentacled monsters are treated as seduction checks, with a +50 against her rofl and as a Paladin's mount, her Ooze becomes intelligent, and gains both Command Humanoid and Command Ooze so James is going to play as her next session and now, the crazy quirk game The party currently consists of: A Chaotic Evil Succubus Sorcerer with OCD for even numbers A Chaotic Evil Half-Fiend Gnoll Barbarian with Narcolepsy A self-conscious shy Chaotic Good Nymph Warlock A Dwarf Fighter with the strange quirk that he believes everything he reads happens to him, and he needs to tell this to people A Chaotic Good Half-Elf Rogue that is an outspoken proponent of Communism and me, a True Neutral Gnome Favored Soul that is an outspoken proponent of Gnomes as the Master Race also, the guy whose place I took last time finally showed up, and was given a test by the DM: Survive one session in the party as a Lawful Good Paladin, and he can stay. which is no small feat, with a host of evil and neutral characters bent on destruction so when last we left our "heroes", they were spending the night in an inn in a small Italian town, except for the Dwarf, who was spending the night in a prison in a small Italian town, guarded by a Dwarf Paladin (the new guy) the Dwarf, now an escaped murder-rapist, was to be hung at noon tomorrow in a public execution meanwhile, I was busy converting bar patrons to Gnomish Supremacy laaame heh so noon rolls around, and after a successful hanging of the first-level commoner known as Axem for the crime of dissing my story, it was the Dwarf's turn :( so my Gnome decides to go all Clint Eastwood, and manages to successfully cut the rope with a crossbow bolt heh, the rule of cool kicked into action there anyway, it seems my Gnome got a bit ahead of himself, since they hadn't actually tightened the rope yet, so the Dwarf is standing in the middle of a bunch of guards with a cut hanging rope which leads to an interesting conversation between the guards the Succubus then tells the Gnoll that there's a shiny toy on the other side of the hanging platform, which causes the Gnoll to charge through the crowd, running down commoners left and right he gets to the platform, and runs right into the supports, breaking them and crushing three guards as the platform falls to one side so there's a Guard Leader, the Dwarf Paladin, and a panicked crowd of commoners left after a few rounds of normal combat, the Gnoll grapples the Guard Leader, and takes a big bite out of his jugular the Guard Leader goes unconscious, and the Dwarf Paladin attacks the Gnoll, but misses by just enough to hit the Guard Leader instead which takes him from -1 to -9 lol the Gnoll then decides he's going to squeeze the leader real hard, and hope something interesting happens so the leaders head pops off like a rocket, and the Dwarf Paladin is covered in his immediate superior's blood at which point, a wizard shows up and starts berating us for killing half the town guard, when we should have just been rescuing the Dwarf while she rants, I keep interupting her with attempts to break into the weapons shop to "legally acquire" some weapons for the Gnome Revolution anyway, she tells us that we have to leave town, that the Paladin has to come with us, and a guide will be waiting at the gate anyone making cho-choo noices at this point? :D maaaaybe there should XD the Paladin is obviously not enthused by this plan, so the Gnoll decides he needs to convince the Paladin, and begins shaking him and yelling at him in Gnoll, which we determined sounds like Grindcore music except halfway through this, he fails a narcolepsy roll and falls asleep once he wakes up, we start heading out of town, except the Dwarf has none of his equipment, because it's still at the guardhouse so Justin (the Dwarf's player and DM of the Aquatic Campaign) acts like a true roleplayer and decides to let the dice guide him except he rolls really bad, so the Dwarf decides to march back to the Guardhouse, alone, and demand his stuff back. the guards start attacking him, and he flees across the marketplace, guards in close pursuit he spots an alchemist's shop, and decides he's going to jump in the window, then grab smokesticks and alchemist's fire to keep the guards away except he fails his jump check, smacks into the wall, and is hauled off by the guards again, to be hanged AGAIN at noon tomorrow the rest of the party gets out of town, and they are greeted by a maid in full maid outfit my Gnome immediately suspects that she's a construct (because I've seen Mahoromatic, and I know that all maids are actually combat robots in disguise) when did the dwarf murder and rape? lol did I not tell that story? flaaaashback so when the campaign started, we were all in prison and we had to give a reason why we were in prison I was in for fomenting a Gnome Revolution, etc. the Dwarf was in because he tells stories, and he had told a story that, at one point, had him strangling a girl (apparently because she asked for it, I don't know what kind of books he reads...) and the people he was telling it to took this as he killed a girl while having sex with her, which turned into murder-rapist, and he was put in jail ANYWAY at this point, we remembered that the Dwarf Paladin needed a trait, so we rolled, and he got "Hated by small animals" so the maid starts leading us into the forest, and we meet a black bear the Nymph immediately uses Wild Empathy to befriend the bear, and it becomes friendly so she gets a free ride, while the rest of us have to walk we eventually have to camp, and the maid tells us she'll keep watch but my Gnome, and several other characters, don't trust her, so we also take watch on my watch, my Gnome carefully examines the maid for any signs of being a construct, because it's been like 10 hours since we met and she hasn't been tired at all, even offering to stay up all night and keep watch a baby black bear wanders into camp and lies down next to the big black bear we saw earlier in the morning, the Gnoll sees the baby black bear, and gets excited about his "fantastic idea" of flying up high and dropping the "bear bomb" on people oh right, you said the ninja guy is the one DM-ing this one right? yup that explains the maid :D it totally does bear bomb ...how the hell would that even work falling damage + angry baby bear on face + angry mother bear on ground = ouch angry mother bear kills in rage anyway, we finally get to a temple, which the maid tells us we need to retrieve the artifact in the basement so we walk up to the guards and ask to be let in, and they say no at which point the Gnoll flys to a window and breaks in, shouting "OH YEAH" in Gnoll so the guards run inside, and we follow he thinks he is the cool-aid jug? :D the guards throw short spears at the Gnoll, but miss the Gnoll dives straight at one, and rolls max impact damage, and actually puts a hole in the floor with the guard's body, which is totally destroyed awesome so the other guard runs in terror, and we head down into the basement (the DM called it an Undercroft, which lead to some discussion about a certain tomb raider's underwear) so we find a golden box and a bunch of tombs, and the paladin grabs the contents of the box and hides it, which makes the rest of us REALLY curious as to what it is anyway, we finally get him to show it to us, and it's a mace, except it's got a magic effect that if any non-Lawful Good character looks at it, the corpses in the basement come to life so we fight them once the corpses are dead (again), the hole in the ceiling magically closes, and the door up closes so I walk up to the door, and open it, and there's a JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR * HerraTohtori gets in the car seriously, it's a glowing lion with wings that guards the holy artifact, resulting in the entire party referring to it as Aslan throughout the conversation anyway, my Gnome, as per standard operating procedure, tries to convince Aslan of Gnome Superiority but fails Aslan then tries to convince my Gnome of Lion Superiority, and I nat 1 fail my Sense Motive check resulting in a mental conflict of Gnome and Lion Superiority, and my head literally explodes which was awesome, because the character went out in a fitting way, and I was getting FUCKING TIRED OF FAVORED SOUL WHAT THE HELL WIZARDS OF THE COAST HOW DOES A DIVINE SPELLCASTER NOT GET KNOWLEDGE(RELIGION) AS A CLASS SKILL!? anyway, I'm re-rolling as a Satyr Shugenja who hates music, for two reasons: first of all, he's a Satyr, so he has to dance and prance when he hears music, which he's fucking tired of and second, he took Air as his element for Shugenja, so he's like "Damn Kids, Get off my Air!" also, Justin (Aquatic DM) is now playing a Chaotic Good Elf Ranger who is an outspoken proponent of pedophilia, which is hilarious because it's unlikely we'll be able to save the Dwarf again and that's pretty much it they convinced Aslan to come with them and meet the maid, then the two started talking and decided on something, I don't remember what